My other side…

My other side…

I can start by writing in the title like “Diary of a so-and-so girl” but it is clichéd. So I will stick to the simple style.

I have been thinking a lot lately as to why I am not picking up my pen and writing down my thoughts as I really used to do. I can’t find a better reason why I am not picking up the pen to write, because pen, I am picking up for sure but for entirely different reason i.e., to correct copies of my second graders.

For a long time there has been a drought in my personal life. I don’t want to blame it to my professional life, like I usually do J

May be I just need a break.

Nah! I don’t need a break. I just need to start writing the stuffs that is going round and round in my head.

Even if it is faaltu I should start writing to get in touch with my inner self.

Wish I could write a good story…hmmm

Once I did my personality check up-online (now don’t give me that look).  It said something like “you are sweet, intelligent and honest girl” (seriously it said so).

So my question here is: Why is a sweet, honest and intelligent girl in her mid twenties still single???

The question has been bugging me for quite some time. I am without an answer.

I asked my sister. She’s all like “you are very strong and quite inflexible and too independent…in short –manly. So men are not asking you out because you are intimidating. And men don’t like woman that are not ‘woman-ly’.

Hmm… again…stuck in the thoughtful mood.  What are the qualities of being womanly, anyways?!  Is it a crime to be independent, strong (or headstrong for that matter) or self sufficient? Is it too much for a guy to have a girl who is not wimpy at all? Why am I just-like-a-glass-without-a-single-drop-of-water-in-it type single? Sometimes this question is frustrating because every time I ask this question to myself I am left with a feeling as if a fish-bone is stuck in my throat, and, trust me, all my vegetarian friends out there, this feeling is uniquely frustrating.

Will it be a stupid question if I ask ‘why is there only 24 hours in a day’?

a lone reed against the tide

sometimes i hear & see the supposed to be great thinkers & writers of the nation(of the world , as a matter of fact,too) speak their mind regarding stuff (political, social,economical, blah blah blah) and most of the time i find some-one echoing somebody else. of course, there is no wrong in agreeing or disagreeing some other person but the thing is that they seem to be wary of what they speak (which i know they should be b'coz they r public figure) but what is it that they really feel? i mean, i sometimes find them simply to be "plastic"- like. may be i am wrong but i cant stop wondering ever since this particular event of CWG. yeah the media(particularly in India) have this habit of blowing everything out of proportion (like the headline "roof fell at the stadium" when it was just a few tiles that fell off!!!). so these public speakers, thinkers & writers they all know which direction the wind is blowing, so off they go in the same direction (well i cant deny the fact that most of the time it is right) to avoid slush of bad name by going against the MEDIA. i know i sound really prejudiced here but i cant agree anymore. i know things are not going right, the higher officials are not taking responsibilities, they are busy filling in their pockets(but who isn't in India?!) when such a crisis has happened but i as an individual feel that it's not right just to sit and see and play the blame game. i really am against these people who loot the nation and its innocent people but i am definitely not against  the game. i take pride in this game that is going to be hosted here in Delhi, India and even though i am totally against these pricks who is tarnishing the name of the nation in the international platform, i cannot just remain silent at the flabbergasted news of the media too who should, more or less, be taking responsibility of supporting the spirit of the game, take pride in the game but yes stand strongly against those corrupt officials.

googly googly googly go away!

Everyday is the mirror of the previous day, except for the flow of the cloud and shape of the wind that runs through my fingers. All these are crushed into a fine plate of hard, metallic thread, one after another. And there is enough of these threads that my eyes have spindled through time immemorial to weave a soft, flawless envelope. The kaleidoscope of webbed dreams cast linked similar images bringing out a maze of chaos in the ordered and punctuated spaces lying in-between. How much of this stupid, suicidal...rather sacrificial sacrilege is going to be done in order to suffice the call of inner voice which has been beckoning to break this thread and stop this chain reaction. It is usually the self and no nobody 'stranger' else which ends up surprising the individual inside.

P.S. please do not mind the blogger as she has the least idea of what she is scribbling about. And 'googly googly googly go away' is just a borrowed phrase from a movie LOL!!!

that same ol'story...!!!

its quite interesting to see how people react to the result of that exhaustive 3 hrs gruelling called 'examination' (yeah i know its worse than a guerilla war). some exceeds the rest and are called the rank holders, some simply comes under the average group and some do not make to the list at all. i have seen many people suddenly collapsing and crestfallen when they find themselves marked that seemingly dangerous alphabet 'F' in front of their name. i was consoling a friend of mine whose result came unclear even after re-evaluation and one can imagine how one will react to this result. so i tried to console her saying that crying is not going to solve anything. i told her to brace herself up and clear the paper after giving the exam again. "tumhare liye kehna ashaan hai..." yeah its easy to say i know. but then i said, no i know that its hard to do but then its not impossible and then its not the end of the world, exam is not everything i added after a while. to which she gave a sobful reply "exam is everything..." and it gave food for my thought. is it true? is exam everything? well then i had to convince her and said rather convincing myself in the end " well there are much more important things in life than exam like understanding what you are learning (sounds like 3 idiots but it just came to my lips). exam is just a part of it so you better take some rest to do some thinking and prepare yourself to re-appear in the exam..."

had i been in the same condition may be i would have reacted in a worse way...and it applies almost to everyone. i dont want to blame my friend here who thinks exam is everything or the education system which make it feel that exam is everything but then i would very much like to know if only 3 hours is enough for some unknown person who checks only tose things written on a few pages of the answer paper to evaluate a person's one long year learning and depth of understanding of the subject?
i leave this question open to all the 'torch bearers' and 'future pillars' of the nation for neither do i have a torch now am i a pillar. i'm just one of the many people who cant help thinking such things while consloing a friend when crestfallen.

fantasy

someday somewhere....
well i wonder how far a dream can be real?!
i dream a lot & a lot. some realistic n some full of fantasy. when i think of it, age has nothing to do with our dreams, you know. i like dreaming of silly stuff, like that of a fairy tale...hoping that someday it will all come true-somehow anyhow. whatever it is my feet is firmly grounded but i still i am reaching out for the stars. who knows, i may end up floating in the arms of the rainbow or maybe drifting on along with the cloud. or simply, i may be sitting on the zenith of the tallest mountain or surfing through the  wild bizarre wind. this is fun...dream gives me a break from the mundane chores of everyday. life is precious...so are my dreams!

...end with a draw

many a question swarm in my head, looking for an answer somewhere from my life-long exerience. but how do you find answer to those questions for which you dont have any kind of experience?i am in a dilemma now, i thought that i knew myself quite well but the more i look within myself i feel that i am seeing a stranger,  in a pitiful yet interesting way. pity. a word which i avoid most of the time, trying hard to be strong and cool. but life, as i said earlier, is unpredictable. the more i try look into it i realise that i know very less about it and so i keep on looking deeper and deeper. i dont know where this search is going to end. maybe i dont work hard enough or use my sense enough that i keep falling for the wrong things. it's not like i am some kind of a pessimist, believe me i am a hard-core optimist, but all these optimism sometime gets all blurred and at that time there is no way out. everything start and end in a tight knot when all the optimism find its strong opponent and at that moment, well, i cant help myself. the purpose of my life become bleak and lame. all these years that i have putting all my blood and sweat on, they all seem to fade away and my life seem to be missing the real flavor and the real zest...where it need to be.
and now that i have vomited what has been bugging me all these while, i actually feel light and great. life is a never-ending struggle so i am not going to give up now when i am so close to what i have been working hard for so long. lets fight for it...yes!

chaos!

ok here i m again. life is unpredictable-i have figured this one out long ago...and now i can tell it clearly that i m as unpredictable as my own life.it's true that planning is very important in our life n blah blah blah...but all i know is that evertime i just go overboard and end up doing something that i didnt expect at all from myself!!!

i am not talking about big plannings but , you know, day-today-one.when a fact dawn into my head i dont take time to consult or cool ...it's just dat i end up in a conclusion and i end up following that conclusion only.sounds really uncool n messy n freaked out...yeah i m freaked out but the fact is that i find my being and my coolness among this chaos only.why is it??well i dont have a definite answer to this....m still flaoting in the organised(organised?!) chaos of my life.